#051 Intentional Strategies for Managing the Load in Stressful Times
We all have times in work, life and business when things get full. Times where some things become more important or when there's just too much on our plate to keep everything going. So how can we intentionally manage our load in these full or stressful times?
In this episode I explore a number of strategies you can use, when things get tough. I'll discuss the conscious decisions you can make about what's essential and what's not, the the standards you choose to uphold and those you let slip. And how you can be kind to yourself when you're the one holding it all.
Mentions
Nisha Moodley Devotion Podcast - Dropping the Ball on Purpose
Transcript
[00:00:00] Hi, everyone. Great to be back here with you. Before I begin today, I'd just like to acknowledge the traditional owners of the land on which I work and live the Wurundjeri people of the Kulin nation and pay my respects to their elders past, present and emerging.
[00:00:17] So today I am returning to the podcast after a bit of a break, and that was not so much planned that break.
[00:00:25] Uh, I've had some personal things going on with a really sick family member. And, you know, Life happening around that and all the extra things that have had to happen in my life and the things that I've had to take on because of that.
[00:00:40] And I wanted to come in today and talk about these times in our lives. When this happens as leaders, as business owners, as busy professionals, we all have things that go on in our lives.
[00:00:55] And we need to rearrange the different parts of our lives in order to allow space for the things that need our attention.
[00:01:05] Recently my attention has needed to be with my family. And also with my clients, the people that are paying to work with me, and that has meant that the things that are non-essential have had to drop away and I've had to make decisions about what to intentionally drop.
[00:01:25] I was listening to a podcast of Nisha Moodley's the other day, which I highly recommend you check out.
[00:01:30] And she was talking about intentionally dropping balls and that really, really resonated with me because it's something that I've had to do at the moment. I was sending an email to someone the other day, maybe two weeks after she emailed me, which, you know, it was a non-essential email. And I said to her, look, I'm sorry. I'm intentionally dropping the ball of email at the moment because well, the non essential emails. Because I have to, because I need to make space where I can.
[00:01:58] So I wanted to come on here today to pose this to you and have you think a little bit about the times in your life in your work when things might ramp up and other things have to go, and these could be personal things that go on. It could be things that are happening with your kids. It could be things happening in your marriage, things happening with your parents. Uh, things happening, like buying a house, renovating a house. There's so many different things from our personal life that mean that we just don't have the energy. Whether that be mental, physical, emotional, spiritual, to give the same level to our work.
[00:02:38] Or it could be things going on in our work that mean other things in our work have to drop away . I was just talking to a client the other day, who, um, has a role where he needs to do both business development, as well as work on projects. And he was talking about the fact that At a certain time, he's got four projects on the go and the business development just has to fall away.
[00:03:01] And sometimes we have to make these decisions about things. But I think what often we don't do is make those decisions really intentionally and often the other thing that can happen is we can try to hold on to too much and try and keep all the balls in the air when it's just not possible.
[00:03:20] And I don't know if you've ever watched juggling before, but that moment where there's too many balls and the person starts to lose it. Like all the balls come crashing down. What rarely happens is you start to lose it juggling and one ball drops and you can keep going. It's like once you lose it, you'll lose it. Well, maybe that's me as a relatively inexperienced juggler.
[00:03:42] Um, but yeah, that's the thing that we don't want to happen. We don't want to try and keep everything going and then end up with everything falling in a heap.
[00:03:53] So, how do you begin to actually work out what to drop and what not to drop? Well, I think a really good way to start is start by looking at your values and what are the things that are going to make sure that you uphold your values. You don't want to be going against your values when things drop. So for example, if family is something that is a value that you hold really strong, then maybe, you know, you need to prioritize family.
[00:04:25] Or, um, if something like, I don't know, punctuality. That's a really weird one. I know, but if that was really important to you, Well, if you want to continue to remain punctual, what else needs to drop so that you can do that? Um, and yeah, start really thinking about, okay, well, how do I want to show up and how do I want to continue to show up? And what are the things that I'm, I'm happy to compromise on?
[00:04:52] So the next thing you can ask yourself is what is essential and what is non-essential. Now, when I say essential and non-essential, I really mean it. It's so easy for us to say, oh yeah, all these things are essential. But in actual fact, a lot of the time, the things that we tell ourselves are essential are not.
[00:05:09] So if I look at the difference in my business, like my podcasting is not essential, will it mean that my marketing slows down for a little bit if I don't do it? Absolutely. Um, but does it mean that my business is going to fall over? No, it doesn't.
[00:05:28] On the other hand, making sure that I continue to be there for my clients. Is that essential? Absolutely it is. My clients are paying me. My clients are the thing that I do all of this for. Uh, and you know, my clients have a level of service, which is expected. And so keeping up client relationships and client standards and doing things for my clients is to me absolutely essential. So yeah, what is essential? What is not essential and be really strict with yourself on those kinds of things.
[00:05:58] Now in amongst those things, there are things that in times where things are really stressful, we may need to get really serious about whether they're essential, even when we like to tell ourselves they're not.
[00:06:09] So for example, sleep, I think sleep is one of those great ones where we often treat it as though it's not essential, even though it is. But when we get good sleep, it makes a huge difference to everything else. I know the other day, when some things were going particularly pear shaped on the personal side of things, I had a really bad night's sleep because my son was up for like three hours at night in a particularly crazy mood. And I woke up the next morning and I felt rubbish. And it made the rest of my day harder. It made it harder to get through the tasks I needed to get through. Uh, and so that's sleep for me is super essential in particularly times of stress or overwhelm and often it can be the first thing that we try to think we can drop when, when things are full.
[00:07:02] So, yeah, just be really real with yourself on the things that you need to keep yourself well, to keep yourself going to maintain the foundations that you need to move through times that are full in your life and in your work.
[00:07:19] Okay, so linked to this one is get real about time. That sounds massive. Doesn't it get real about time? Um, what I'm talking about here is the fact that we often have these, uh, arbitrary deadlines that we put on ourself about when we should be doing things, how long things should take. And that could be in more of a micro sense, but also in like a large scale macro sense. Like, oh, I should have done this by the time I'm 40. Or my business needs to be here in the next year when actually it doesn't need to be, yes, we might want it to be. But there's, there's no reason why that has to happen. And by having those timelines on ourselves and holding ourselves to these time lines that we've just made up, we're actually causing ourselves more stress than not.
[00:08:05] I was thinking about this the other day and that after coming out of maternity leave and then looking after my son and not being back at work in full-time capacity and then having my dad on well, which is the personal thing that's going on.
[00:08:19] Yeah, I had these ideas of where I wanted to be right now and what I wanted to be doing. And yes, it's a preference, but there's no real need or real hurry for me to be doing anything any faster than I am right now. Even if things feel like they're grinding to a halt right now. Um, it's really only deadlines that I'm putting on myself about where I would like to be. And yes, there are always some financial reasons that would mean if I was able to be doing more, things wouldn't be a little more comfortable, but it's certainly not essential.
[00:08:49] Now I just want to say, I understand that's a really privileged position to be in and not everyone has that luxury. And yes, there may be things that you do need to do by certain times for your financial wellbeing. But I'm not talking about those things, I'm talking about the financial or the time deadlines that were put on ourselves, that aren't really that necessary.
[00:09:12] Having said this, though, there are things that we might be able to let slide for a certain amount of time, but then we can't. So really be aware of how long you can let things slide for, before they go completely pear shaped.
[00:09:27] So a really simple example of this is email, right? So. I know that, you know, when things get really full, I'm likely to pay a little bit less attention to my email. Sorry if you're waiting for an email from me. But no, I do tend to try and stay on top of the important ones, the actual communications, but the things that tend to pile up are the newsletters and, you know, the receipts that I need to file. And maybe the requests from people that are not essential, like, you know, guests wanting to come on the podcast and things like that. And I will let those things slide for a certain time, while I need to. But what can happen is it gets to a point where things are piling up so much that I start to miss the important things.
[00:10:09] That's when I know that I've let things go too long and I need to do a massive email cleanup. You're getting a bit of an insight into how my brain and my organizing works here. But that's just a small example of I can only let that go for a certain amount of time before I need to, get back on track with it again. So just be aware of those types of things, and make sure that when something does need your attention, you get to it. But knowing how long things can go for is quite important.
[00:10:36] Okay. So next, when you're in these kinds of situations where things do get full or something's going on, really make sure you consider the types of supports that you can put in place to support you and to make things easier for you and know that you don't always have to do things all on your own.
[00:10:54] So a great example of this for me the other day was, I look after my son on, on Mondays and Wednesdays and I love looking after him, but I'm just finding that because of some of the extra stuff I'm having to do for my family, a lot of my time is, yeah it's hard to do a lot of things. So I had, my mother-in-law come and look after my son on, on Wednesday for me.
[00:11:14] Uh, and putting that support in place meant that I could go and do some stuff with my family. And that I didn't have to worry about trucking my son that along with me for probably three or four hours of traveling and going back and forth, which, you know, puts the stress on him as well. So while yes, I want to look after my son sometimes actually it's better if somebody else does it so that I can really focus on things. And then when I'm with him, I can be focused on him.
[00:11:41] So, what supports can you put in place? You know, can you get help with things? What can you ask people to take off your plate for you? Think about those types of things. And you know, a support could be putting an email response on that says that you're offline for a bit so that people know. There are people supports. There are technological supports. There's lots of supports you can put in place.
[00:12:02] Linked to this is communicate with people, let people know what's going on for you as much as you're comfortable with. And when I say as much as you're comfortable with you, don't have to tell them the whole ins and outs of what's going on for you.
[00:12:14] But if you say to people, Hey look, there's something, you know, pretty full on happening in life or work at the moment. Just might need a little bit more time for things or just, uh, be aware of it, can really help because if people are expecting something from you or they have come to expect a certain level of service or behavior or communication from you that you've built up over time, and then you suddenly stopped doing that without any reason why that's, when people worry. People don't worry if you tell them that something's going on, because everybody knows, we all have stuff that goes on in our lives and our work that makes things fuller for us. So yeah, communicate with people, let them know what's going on. Only communicate as much as you feel comfortable with. But give people enough that they're going to know why you're maybe not at your best.
[00:13:03] And then finally be kind to yourself when we're going through these times. Even though we know that we're under more pressure, we can often ask a lot of ourselves and expect ourselves to be performing at certain levels and, um, it's just not always possible.
[00:13:19] So, if you can't keep up your exercise routine, like you would want to, or, you can't be the parent that you want to be to your kids because you've got other things you've got to deal with in a certain period of time. We don't have to be perfect all the time. We don't have to be at our best all of time. We can't be at our best all of the time particularly when things in life happen. So, yeah, be kind to yourself.
[00:13:47] So just going through those points again. Firstly, align your decision making to your values. Work out what is really essential and not essential. Get real about time or be real about time. Be aware of how long things can slide for. And when you do need to get something back on track. Put supports in place. Communicate with people openly and be kind to yourself.
[00:14:17] So I hope that's been helpful. I hope if you are going through a particularly challenging time. That this has given you some things to think about. And also know that you don't have to apply these things in this logic to scenarios where things are really full or heavy or bad. It can just be that you can apply some of this thinking to your day to day to help you manage the load a little bit better.
[00:14:41] But yeah, if things are full for you now, I hope that you are doing really well. And, that this has been helpful. Uh, also, if things are really tough, don't ever be afraid to reach out for more support from people that can provide it, whether that be just reaching out to friends and family or getting the support of a therapist or psychologist. I know at this time in my life, I have, started to work with a psychologist just to be there, to provide that support. We don't have to hold all of this ourselves.
[00:15:14] So, yeah. Hope that's really helpful. If you are going through a tough time, hope you're doing okay. And if you would like to share how this episodes helped you, then please do reach out. I love hearing from you. Sometimes it can feel like talking to avoid when you're doing a podcast. So yeah. Reach out. I'm on Instagram, @leadingbeings on LinkedIn I'm Kate McCready on LinkedIn or just reach out to me on my website, leadingbeings.Com. Hope you have the most wonderful day and I'll chat to you soon. Bye.